My Bachelor Party

Photo credit:  image not mine, just a google download

An ex co-worker is now a police officer in a different city and state.  Some how we got to talking about police experiences.  A long, forgotten memory from 32 years ago made for a fun shared story.  My bachelor party.

 

There were 8 of us wandering from bar to bar in downtown Minneapolis; drinking at our favorite spots; Gluek’s, Lions Pub and Jukebox Saturday Night.  JBSN had a hula hoop contest where our cylindrically shaped buddy competed against eleven shapely young women on stage.  

It was quite the sight to see, everyone gyrating, provocatively spinning the hoops like a speeding carousel.  Then there was our buddy, slow and methodically spinning his hoop over his cylindrical body.  One by one, the shapely gals dropped their hula hoops to the floor until literally, our buddy was the last man standing.  

Yep, he won the hula hoop contest! The shapely girls were not pleased.

 

Anyway, we barhopped from one establishment to another. Out on the sidewalk we watched a guy and girl wrestling.  We just stood there in awe, watching as this little 120 pound blonde haired young woman beat down a 6 foot man.  They tumbled to the sidewalk and rolled into the intersection.  That’s when we learned he was an undercover cop.  Both his gun and radio skidded into the intersection.  He yelled. “Help me!”  

We jumped in.  

 

One of my buddies grabbed the gun and radio from the intersection.  He tried calling for help on it.  That was funny in hind-site as my half drunken buddy tried working the radio “we need a little help here, policeman wrestling a girl”.  Three of us grabbed her giving her a bear hug.  I had her around her knees, another buddy bear hugged her waist, another had her chest while he and the officer tried to handcuff her.  As the three of us bear hugged her with officer trying to cuff her, we all went for a wild ride as she bucked, thrashed and rolled.  We outweighed her by roughly 700 pounds, but we had a helluva time controlling her. 

 

Let me pause here.  If you find yourself in this situation, do not bear hug a person around the thighs.  Yes, it’s the thickest part of the legs, but that leaves the lower legs to pivot at the knees.  This position is vulnerable, I was on my knees, bear hugging her thighs.  Her lower legs pivoted kicking violently upward into my swimsuit region.  Now, the odd part was she never uttered a sound, other than heavy breathing, and a few grunts mixed in.  It was us yelling and hollering, “hold her down”, “I am”, “dammit”, “she’s breaking loose”.  Then me, yelping/screaming as the wind sailed out of my lungs from a well placed kick.

 

Backup arrived to take over; I like to think it was my buddy’s quick action with the police radio.  We overheard the police officers saying she was dealing and enjoying a PCP trip.     Proudly, we headed to the other establishments for more beer and frivolity, holding our heads higher by the good deed of helping the police and wrestling with a little blonde haired girl.

To sum up my bachelor party; our group won a hula hoop contest, witnessed a young blonde haired 120 pound girl take down a 6 foot tall man,  we assisted the undercover police officer, picked up his gun guarding it, played with the police radio, we bear hugged a woman who was not our wives, and got kicked in the jimmy. Then drank more beer.  What an awesome party!